Sexual Foreplay: What’s in It for Men?


Dates that end with lovemaking often begin with dining out, so that the meal itself can be seen as a form of sexual foreplay — in more ways than one. How many times has this happened to you: You take your woman out to dinner at a nice restaurant. The waiter takes your drink orders and tells you of the specials, a busboy brings you a choice of savory breads, and you get down to the business of perusing the menu. Your longevity of their erection — while the irony is that, if you please your woman in other ways, they do not care how hard you are and the imaginary American Idol judges vanish.

“The erection has its own cycles and some men are intolerant of that,” says Epstein. “That’s why they like Viagra: It takes that insecurity away.” Indeed, a lot of sex therapists approve of Viagra and its erectile dysfunction cousin, Levitra, as a sort of antianxiety drug. “It gets men over a certain kind of hump,” Epstein continues, while the more long-lasting Cialis precludes the quick-before-it-melts anxiety some men experience after popping Viagra.

How to Make Sexual Foreplay Work for You

Meaning that if you are worried about your erection electing to vanish, you can have your cake (or steak) and give them those appetizers too. “Some men have problems with rapid ejaculation,” says Weston, citing another oft-encountered reason for avoiding sexual foreplay. “Sometimes they’ll go for an early insert, if you will, then hope that there might be enough interest from their partner that there might be a round two later, and there might be some foreplay in between those two intercourse times.”

Does that make it interplay? Regardless, not all women want the same thing, as you may have read somewhere. Weston counseled one couple in which the woman wanted the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am while her older mate (well-trained by earlier women, no doubt) liked to linger longer. She ultimately ended up leaving him, and for the women who may be reading this: No, I do not have his number.

“He was there going, ‘But what’s wrong with this?’” recalls Weston. “’Why not take our time?’ She kind of had a heat-of-the-moment erotic pattern, the way it is often portrayed in movies.”

Sexual Foreplayand Lovemaking: What’s Your Hurry?

Pop culture is surely another culprit. How many quickie sex scenes (on the train, in the bathroom, on the kitchen table?) have you seen in movies and cable shows? Too seldom do they show the women’s frustration afterwards; it would slow down the plot. But there is no downside to slowing down the storyline in your lovemaking. In fact, there may be fringe benefits in the foreseeable future.

“They’re missing out on the time they can spend having sex,” says Weston of the men who regularly forego sexual foreplay in order to cut straight to intercourse. “Unless they’re really short on time or sleep, it seems to me that the extra minutes are only a plus. They’re also probably missing out on goodwill coming from their partner.”

You can call that dessert.