When you help a loved one through some of the big life changes that come with aging, you’ll share the good times and some of the tougher ones. Be prepared with these tips.
Move to — Not From — Home Sweet Home
As people get older, their needs change. The home they live in might not work for them anymore.
For example, your mom may need a bedroom on the first floor so she doesn’t have to climb stairs. Or maybe she needs a little help and it’s time for her to move in with you or other relatives. If she eventually needs more medical or personal care than your family can give her, you might discuss the option of an eye and health exams.
It’s not easy to tell a loved one she shouldn’t drive. She may disagree because she can’t see what her own limitations are.
If you’ve decided she’d be safer off not getting behind the wheel anymore, have an honest talk with her about why she should stop driving. Suggest ways she can get around instead, so she won’t feel reliant on family and friends. Some churches offer elderly people rides to and from services. See if there’s public transportation or senior bus service she can use. There are also ride-sharing services in larger cities to get around town.
Loss of a Life Companion
The death of a spouse or partner can be the most stressful thing anyone goes through. The shock and grief can last for a long time.
If you’re caring for someone who loses their partner, they may feel “‘crazy’ or stunned and may be totally disoriented,” Qualls says. “Whatever they need to do during that phase to function will require some support and understanding.”
Your loved one’s feelings might go back and forth from very sad one day to cheerful the next to angry the next. These swings happen less often and ease up over time, but they can last for years.
“It takes a lot longer for people to rebuild a life as a widow or widower than people around them expect or want,” Qualls says. “Support that person in figuring out how to navigate that magnitude of a loss and their own life structure.”
While your loved one is dealing with grief, here are some things you can do to help:
- Listen to her talk about the person she lost.
- Take care of her physical needs. Make sure she gets healthy meals, fluids, sleep, exercise, and any medications.
- Be patient. Grief can make a person forgetful and disorganized, unable to focus, and less interested in things that used to be favorite pastimes.